Don't Wait to Enjoy Your Body


In the time I’ve been a companion, I’ve come to believe everyone has some insecurity about their body. Maybe it’s their skin, maybe it’s their teeth, maybe it’s their size or nose or hair. But I really believe that for all of us there’s this deeply ingrained idea that we’re imperfect, and should be doing everything we can to become perfect.

I also believe that a lot of us have these insecurities in secret. We think that if we show someone the thing we dislike about ourselves, it reflects on us as a person. Like, “if you see my belly you’ll think I’m terrible.” Which sounds nonsensical when you say it, but body insecurities go deep like that! There’s a fear that whatever is “wrong” with us will come to define us.

I’m writing this post because recently I’ve lost some weight, and a few people have commented on it telling me that I look great and to keep working on it. While I definitely always appreciate a compliment, I wanted to say that I also looked great before! Bigger bodies are not worse than smaller bodies. When my body was bigger I was compassionate, playful, and (at least according to what I have been told!) good in bed. At my current size I’m still all those things. I haven’t changed at all, only my body has.

I know this is typically the time that those who dislike bigger bodies talk about how it’s unhealthy to be at a higher weight. Well, that’s not my concern. Frankly, people’s health situations are private, and should not be up for public debate. It’s also entirely possible to be very healthy at a higher weight, and very unhealthy at a lower weight. No matter what, though, I’m not interested in getting mad at other people for their health OR size. And you can’t bully someone into better health or a different body. I’m interested in loving people as they are right now, showing them that I value them regardless of whatever else might be going on, and regardless of whatever they may dislike about themselves.

I know it’s difficult to love your body when it’s not the way you want it to be. But something I’ve been thinking lately is that I don’t want to wait to enjoy my body. Our cultural messaging tells us that once we perfect our bodily imperfections, we get to enjoy things we didn’t before. That’s the whole concept behind “swimsuit season,” right? Behind that phrase is the idea that you can’t have fun at the beach unless you’re small enough to look the way you want in a swimsuit. Well, fuck that! Your body may never be the way you want it to be, and even if it is, that doesn’t mean you have to wait to enjoy the things it can do. So I’m going to sit on the beach and feel the sun, go swimming, eat tasty food, cook, go on walks, go on vacation, be intimate, dress how I want, and just generally do the things I want to do no matter what my outward appearance is.

Ultimately, it comes down to this for me: we all only get one body. Why keep it in hiding when we could be having fun?

audrey heart